Competing with Myself
A competing commitment is what stops us from doing the things we say we want to do, or having the things we want to have. Every day, there are things we say we want, but based on our actions, we see there is something we want more. For example, I could say that I want to lose 100 pounds, but clearly, based on results, I would rather eat carbs in excessive amounts. Now, I’m using that as an example, only because I think it’s pretty easy for most people to understand, and likely relate to. These things come up in our lives all the time, and if we look closely, we can see the fight inside our own minds, or worse, you never see it.
So what happens, when it feels like these Competing Commitments take over, and it feels like your competing with your own self. Where do you begin, when there are so many things that you SAY you want for yourself, but you like the decisions that you unconsciously, or likely, subconsciously make sabotage those things? Sometimes I think that once you hit adulthood you turn on autopilot and do the things you “have” to do to make it through life, and then all of the sudden, years down the road you realize that nothing that you are doing is what you want to do or think that you should be doing, but have to in order to survive. I often wonder how many people just wake up one morning and ask themselves how they got where they are, and at what age they wake up to that question.
What is it that stops us, once we realize that we aren’t the people we want to be, or living the lives we think we should be, from making the changes necessary to move toward that goal? Is it fear, fear because, even though we may not be where we want to be, at least we know what to expect, and although we may not be completely happy, at least we’re comfortable? Is it fear that when we become the person we think we are meant to be, or make the changes we need to make, that people will think differently of us? Do we search and search and search for the path we are meant to be on, only to come across a rock in the path and turn around?
I believe that we all come to a crossroads at some point in our life, maybe more than one. The question is, do we move forward on our current path, or decide to turn down a different one. And if we choose to turn down a different path, will we be leaving people behind, or will they walk that walk with us (or at least visit us every now and then)?
Life is a bunch of questions, obviously. Clearly, I am at one of those crossroads, in so many aspects of my life. I can say honestly, that although it is exciting in a way, at many points the fear is overwhelming, and the doubt takes over, and it kind of feels like every time I make it through one of the impasses, another once comes along just a few steps away. And really…. I just wonder what my Mom’s words of wisdom would reveal.
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