The key to change… is to let go of fear
I think its natural to have a fear of change, I’m pretty sure every person has experienced it at least once in life.
In my last post I had mentioned that I have been re-evaluating my life and that I felt it was time to stop waiting for life to happen. Well I have taken the first step. I have officially given my notice at my job in order to start my own business. While it was something that I was waiting for until I had the amount of money I felt like I needed as a cushion, I also felt like I would never have that money. Not that the money wouldn’t come to me, but you know, you save money, then something in the car or house breaks and the money is gone. Its like people who say they want kids but they are waiting until the right time…Its waiting until the right time that forces life to pass you by.
I realize that while I have overcome a lot of things in life, but I have also allowed fear to stop me from doing a lot.
Starting my own Transaction Management business is something that I have been wanting to do for several years, but I had been waiting for the right time. Well I have made the right time today. I know that I am good at what I do, and I know I will be successful. Sure there may be a few months that I will struggle, but the truth is I will most likely be very successful. Even if I’m not, at least I’ll know that I tried.
The more I think about it, the more I things I think about that fears stop us from doing. Changing jobs, starting businesses for fear of failure, those are common. Then there are those of us who never tell the person we love that we love them because we are afraid they won’t feel the same way. We are hesitant to start a relationship because we are afraid it will fail or that we will lose the friendship we have with that person. We don’t buy a house because we are afraid we won’t be able to afford it. We put of having children because we think maybe we can’t afford it, or that we won’t be good enough parent.
But maybe it isn’t always about the fear of failure or the fear that we can’t afford something, or that we aren’t good enough. Maybe we have other fears, the fear that our new business will actually be successful. The fear that we don’t deserve that success,or that we don’t deserve that new house, or worse that we don’t deserve the unconditional love of a relationship or a child.
Here’s the thing, if we don’t overcome those fears, there can be no change, and without change there can be now growth. The sad truth is but not telling the people we love that we love them, or taking a chance on that relationship, or new job or having that child we always wanted we miss the moment, a moment we most likely will never get back.
In the last year I have told someone I was in love with them…and no they didn’t feel the same way… but I’m still here, I survived. I held a baby for the first time since I miscarried 13 years ago, something I refused to do in the past because I was afraid I couldn’t handle it. I left a job with people that I adored to take less money, I now gave my notice to start my own business. I’ve said things to people that I was afraid would make them hate me, but they didn’t because they knew where my heart was. Sure the fear is still there, its something that will always be in the back of our heads, it just a part of life. But the truth is that fear is nothing but an illusion, even an excuse not to challenge ourselves. We get comfortable where we are and every change scares us. Changes and choices we make may hurt more than others. However, those choices and changes, and overcoming fears are growth, regardless of the outcome. If we aren’t growing, can we even say that we are living?
If I have learned nothing else this week, I have learned that life is entirely to short to wait for great things to come to us, life is too short to not take the risk to make a change, or to say the things we are afraid to say. Tomorrow is NOT promised, we have all heard that, we all know it logically. Sadly though, it sometimes takes the loss of a friend to really remind us and make us understand it. While I can say I don’t have any words left unsaid with the people I care about, I know I have a lot of changes to make to fulfill my dreams.
What fears are you willing to overcome to have the life you deserve? What change are you willing to make to ensure that life doesn’t just pass you by? What words that need to be said are you willing to say before you never get a chance to say them?
My regret is that it took the loss of an amazing man this week to remind me of these things that I already knew. Rest in Peace David Horton.
How Many Do You Have?
We all have them in our lives. Some more than others; some closer than others. The “friends” who are often negative, complaining or self-centered. Maybe they obsessively monopolize your time by discussing all of the terrible things that are going wrong in their life, or how every day is a bad day. The “friends” who constantly ask favors, or expect you to pick up the pieces of their broken day. Maybe they even insult you with subtle put-downs or cover you with guilt or make you feel self conscious. “Friends” who need endless financial, emotional or mental support, yet they provide little or no support for you. Often times they are not only not supportive, but outright insensitive to your needs for comfort or understanding during your own trials. These are the friends that I like to call Energy Suckers. We all have them in our lives to some extent, some people probably do a better job at keeping those people at arms-length than others.
If you have enough of these Energy Suckers in your life, there comes a point that it all comes to a head. You find that you are popping Benedryl or Nyquil to help you sleep, then when you finally sleep your night is over-ridden with nightmares, so even though you finally got some sleep you feel more tired than you did before. You notice that your personality has changed, and you become edgy and resentful. Your eyes start to twitch and you start stuttering your words. The small amount of stress you once had turns in to full-blown anxiety, and you begin to have uncontrollable panic attacks. Your physical, mental and emotional health becomes jeopardized and you know you must make a change.
Why do we keep these people in our lives? There are many reasons, we may feel trapped, or unworthy of better. We have a need for people to need us and we just want to help people. Maybe it’s a family member so you feel required to keep the relationship as it is. Maybe we feel that no one can help them the way we can. Maybe we just can’t handle the idea of losing that person from our lives, or we are scared to approach the person or people about the problem.
It comes down to this. The only thing we can do is take responsibility for the situation. By tolerating the negative behavior of others, you are condoning it. By taking the abuse, because it IS abuse, you are discounting your own self-worth, and we all deserve better than that. Making excuses for Energy Suckers or remaining silent just to get along with them is just people pleasing, and the sad news is that Energy Suckers cannot be pleased, no matter what you do or say. It’s time to make a decision, either cut the person out of your life, or at the very least set some boundaries.
Friendship is about positive give and take. We all benefit from someone else’s energy sometimes, that’s what friendships are about. However, when helping your friend is hurting you over and over you need to consider the importance of self-care. If you consistently feel anxious, depressed, unsatisfied or stressed after speaking or spending time with your friend, that’s a sign you need to act on your behalf to protect your peace. Feeling obligated to an unhealthy relationship is counterproductive to you and your goals in life.
I’ve often heard it said that we are the sum of our top 5 friends. We are almost always judged by the company we keep. By continuing on the path of surrounding ourselves with Energy Suckers, and losing ourselves, we are also being judged by who THOSE people are. We must really take a look and see if those people are a good representation of ourselves.
It really is a very hard thing to deal with. You try to tell yourself it will get better, or that they need you. I wonder why we so often discount our own needs, or how badly we may need someone else’s support in order to help a person, who doesn’t even seem to want to be helped.
It comes down to this, how well can we take care of someone else if we aren’t being taken care of ourselves? At one point or another we need to realize that by allowing the wrong people to suck our energy, we have nothing left to give to ourselves, which in turn means we have nothing to give to anyone else. The truth is, the “right” people, won’t constantly suck our energy, they will lift us up with their love and support.
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