Sometimes Deep . . . Often Random Thoughts

For my public speaking class I had to write a speech about something I believe. NPR has a program where people share the personal philosophies and core values that guide their daily lives, so our speech was based on that. At first I didn’t know what to write about, but when I sat down in front of the computer it just all flew out of me without thinkin, and I’m basically going with the first draft. After the words came out, there were very few things that I changed. (even my punctuation and grammar is off, but since it’s a speech, I’m okay with it.)

Tomorrow I will have the opportunity to present this speech for a group of students in my class, and of course, not liking public speaking, I’m getting more and more nervous.

In all honesty, I debated long and hard on posting this, as it is probably the most personal you will ever see me get. However, after reading it a few times, I felt that it is not only a tribute to life’s experiences, but a tribute to my mother as well. Take what you will from it.

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I Believe I Learned Absolutely Everything I Ever Need to Know About Life From My Mother.

In my 33 years on this earth, I have had the opportunity to see so many aspects of life…many things a person probably never should see, many things a person should never have to experience.

Spending much of my childhood in a violently abusive home, I learned that some parents don’t always love their children the way they should. Watching my mother sneak out of the house to learn to drive, saving every penny she could and gaining the strength to take my sisters and myself and leave, I learned the strength of a woman is beyond measure. . .and that for some parents only death could stop them from protecting their child.

Living in a tiny 2-bedroom apartment with no furniture, eating peanut butter sandwiches on the floor with my sisters I learned that we don’t need fine food, furniture and possessions to have fun and feel love.

Watching my mother marry a man with no biological children, and no opportunity have any of his own, enabled me to see what a man should be. Experiencing that same man love, cherish and take care of my mother … and her 3 damaged daughters taught me what a father should be.

My mother forcing us to eat dinner EVERY night with our family, AT the table taught me the importance of communication and family.

Remembering my mother being locked in her room for a week and raped by my biological father…as I too laid on the floor with a gun held to my head by a boyfriend the night I broke up with him taught me how we often tend to repeat history, and that only I could break that cycle.

Having a miscarriage at 20 taught me that nothing is promised…5 years later thinking about that miscarriage and the dysfunctional relationship I was in at the time, I understood what my mother meant when she always said that everything happens for a reason.

Listening to my mother explain to me that my biological father was a sick and lonely man, and should not be hated, taught me forgiveness.

By constantly reminding me to say “Thank You” and “I love you” she taught me to never take people for granted.

Losing my mother in a car accident when I was 27 taught me that nothing will ever hurt as bad as losing a mother…my mother….my best friend, my hero, my heart.

As I stood before hundreds of people at her funeral sharing the lessons I had learned from her, I learned that I wasn’t the only person whose life she touched, and from the responses, I clearly wasn’t the only one she shared these wise words with:

Never, ever go to bed angry and say I love you every time you hang up the phone or walk out the door…because you never know when it’s going to be the last time.

When the Need becomes greater than the want, there’s a problem.

If everyone put their problems in a circle, they would each take back their own. There is always someone worse off than you so be grateful every day.

Never judge anyone, because you have no idea what their circumstances are.

There’s THREE sides to every story. (His, hers and the truth)

You don’t need to like a person to show them respect.

You don’t have to go to church to have a relationship with God.

Thank God every morning before you get out of bed for a new day….thank Him again before you go to sleep for surviving that day.

Never hate anyone…hatred only breeds more hatred and in the long run, only hurts YOU.

As long as you actually learn from your mistake…it’s not really a mistake.

Always try your best…even if your results aren’t perfect, as long as you try your hardest it will have been worth it.

Treat people the way you want to be treated. You can’t expect someone to treat you better than you treat them.

Never walk out of the house without lipstick. Even if you don’t wear any other makeup, throw some lipstick on, it brings your face to life.

I could go on for days with her wise words of wisdom. The point is that despite all of the horrible things that SHE experienced in life, she always knew there was a meaning to it all, regardless of whether we know the meaning or not . . . She taught me that too.

Being forced to live life after shes gone, I learned that she would never have left this earth had she not felt she taught me everything I needed to learn to survive life, and that I am a survivor.

Regardless of whether the things she taught me were by the words she spoke or actions I witnessed, I feel blessed to have learned what I have from such a wise woman. A woman who was full of love and full of life, and who constantly shared all of that, regardless of what she was going through.

Although I only had 27 years to share with her on this planet, I have continued to learn from her even in the past 6 years that she hasn’t been here with me physically.

The most important thing? Well, although she used to say it all the time, I guess I never fully understood when she used to say that tomorrow is never promised. Because she knew that, because she was the person that she was, she left a legacy, and now I know it’s my turn….. my turn to share all the things that she shared with me. Not only to fulfill her legacy…. But to create my own.