Eulogy – A Very Small Tribute
I have attended a few seminars that have recommended writing your own eulogy. To many it seems like a morbid thing to think about, but lately I have been thinking a lot about my Mom’s funeral, and the impact that she had on people, so have some more thoughts on the Eulogy project.
I spoke at my Mother’s funeral, along with my sisters. I couldn’t believe how many people showed up, since my Mom was a lot like me, kind of keeping with her time to her family and very few close friends. At her funeral we were given a beautiful gift by the people she worked with. A book full of written experiences of her by all the people she worked with. I can’t really say that I was surprised about how many peoples’ lives she touched, I think I was just surprised that she touched them as deeply as a she touched mine.
I want to share what I said at her funeral with a very small of hope that you could possibly get a small inkling of they type of woman that she was.
“No matter what was going on in my mom’s life she always had a smile on her face. And regardless of whether or not she was having a bad day, she never hesitated to lend her shoulder fro someone to cry on. My mother was the most selfless person I could ever know, as a friend, she put her personal concerns aside to listen to the people she knew when they were having troubles or share in the joyful moment they may have been experiencing.
As a mother she was so much more than we could ever ask for. She did everything she could to give us good lives, she loved us unconditionally, and she instilled in us the values that we will carry on forever.
The first thing I remember learning from her was respect. She always said “you dont have to like a person, but you should respect them unless they give you a reason not to.”
As a female, she taught me that I should never need a man to live a happy life. “When the need is greater than the want, then there is a problem.” At first I thought that meant I should know how to change my own tire and mow my own lawn. It took me a while to get the entire meaning of it, but I think I finally got it.
She taught me that I should never hate anyone. “It takes too much energy to hate anyone.”
She taught me that there is always someone worse off than me. She used to say that if everyone put their problems in a circle, everyone would take back their own.
She taught me that no matter what happens, no matter how bad the fight is, never forget to say I love you. You never know when it’s going to be the last time.
She, along with my father taught me that true love does exist. That every marriage takes work, but the reward is so much greater than any gift.
She taught me that the things that go around come around, and to be the best person I can be, and good things will come back to me.
I truly believe that my mother knew the value of life. She knew that her family was the most important thing in her life. She knew that no “things” held value compared to family. I know that she would have given up everything she ever had and lived in a cardboard box if it meant being with her family.
Every morning when she woke up she would thank God for letting her wake up another day. She knew how to live life to the fullest and be happy and grateful for that which she had.
My mother was my best friend since forever. Unlike most kids, I pretty much told her everything. That that you probably wouldn’t want to tell your mom. But she never judged me or made me feel bad for the mistakes that I made. “As long as you learn from your mistake, it wasn’t really a mistake.” That’s what she used to tell me.
Many people I have talked to used to make fun of me because I talked to my mom at least once a day. Every day after work I would call her and we would talk about our day. We would talk about what made us have a bad day, and what made us have a good day, and we talked about what we each ate for dinner, or what we were going to eat. Sometimes we would talk about nothing at all, except just to say I love you.
I could only hope to be as good of a person as she was. I can hope to be 1/2 the mother she was, 1/2 the wife she was and 1/2 the friend she was. If I can do that I know I’m in good shape.
Many people have told me that they would die before they moved back in with their mother, I used to say I could live with her anytime because we get along so well. Now I would say I would live with my mother until I was 199 if I could bring her back to do it. I was never ashamed of the fact that I talked to her every day, or even that I still called her Mommy. I could never be ashamed of the immense love I have for her. She risked her life for me, she gave me the bast life she could, she gave me two older sisters to cherish, and she gave me a father who was more than a blessing from God.
Randi and Stacy still make fun of me because she tucked me in every night until I was about 15 years old. I would come to her every night and say “meet you in bed mommy.” And to tell the truth if for some reason I had lived with her recently, I would probably still say it, and at 27 years old I’m not ashamed to say it. Now I can only lay down in my bed and say “I’ll meet you in my dreams Mommy.”
What I ask that you all remember is that just because my mom is no longer on this earth with us, that she still is with all of us. I ask that when you look up to the sky and say hello as often as possible. I ask that you remember her for her inner beauty, her spirit, her playfullness and her love.
I know that everytime I look at the sky she will be looking down on me. I know that she will draw pictures for me in the clouds to show me she is there. And when it’s raining, I know she will send me a rainbow to show me everything will be okay.
I’m so thankful that I can say my Mother knew how much I love and adore her. One day she told me she loved me more than all the sand on the beach. Now I will say Mommy, I love you more than all the stars in the sky, the water in all the oceans, and the sand on the beaches combined. I love you more. . .”
Please understand, I am in no way trying to glorify my Mother, she was far from perfect, as we all are. But the fact is that she knew what was important in life, and she made sure to teach us the same. For that, I am eternally grateful.
In the end, no one cared that she dropped out of high school, that she had her first child at the age of 17, or that she faltered just like everyone else, in the end the only thing anyone cared about was the kind of person she was, and how she made them feel. That’s the kind of legacy I want to leave, it’s the kind of legacy we should all desire to leave.
If you passed away tomorrow, what would you want people to say about you at your funeral, and have you given them reason to say those things about you?
I believe it’s true that “People won’t remember what you said, they’ll remember how you made them feel.” Think about that…how you treat people is a true reflection of the person you really are.
**To read more about my mother, you can visit her memorial page by visiting this LINK.
Ice Queen
Definition: n. A Cold and Haughty Woman
I have actually been called an Ice Queen on several occasions, something that I have often thought to be kind of funny. I have been thinking about it more and more lately, and it has gone from funny to maybe slightly annoying, because it shows me how many people actually don’t know ME at all.
The reason I say this, is because although I do sometimes come off as “cold”, the fact is that I am a very warm person. To the people in my life, I would do anything for, often to a fault since I so often put others needs before my own.
I was having a conversation the other day with a co-worker of mine. I was explaining to her that I decide within 5 minutes of meeting someone whether or not I’m going to be in relationship with someone. Now let me explain, because I know that comes off completely wrong. Number one, I read peoples’ eyes, I truly believe you can tell everything about a person just by looking into their eyes. The eyes really are the windows to the soul, at least that’s something I have always believed. Number two, I go with my gut, or my intuition. I know there are many people who think intuition like that doesn’t exist or is evil… that’s okay, but the fact is that I trust my intuition, and sometimes I just get a bad vibe from someone. When that happens, I trust it. (I have learned from several experiences what happens when I don’t trust that feeling.) Number three, if I don’t get a good vibe from you, I’m not going to pretend to be your friend. I think that’s part of where the Ice Queen comes from, I’m not fake, I refuse to pretend to like someone when I don’t. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to be rude, I will always be respectful, but I’m not going to smile in your face and give you a false sense that I want to be your friend.
So where does the rest of the “Ice Queen” label come from? Well, I would say, aside from me refusing to be fake, there are three more components that lead into it. I don’t hold my tongue. If I have something to say, and it’s something I feel needs to be heard, I’m going to say it. I’m from New York, I’m passionate, and I’m loud, and I sometimes get in your face. Never for no reason, usually it’s because I’m standing up for another person, or something I believe in. Not to say I won’t hear your point of view, but I am going to share mine. Next, I would assume that my lack of trust in people, or maybe better put, my lack of faith in people cause me to have a wall up. I rarely show emotion about anything…. to anyone else, although the fact is I’m a rather emotional person. Just because I don’t let you see me cry doesn’t mean I have no feelings. Finally, I would say that my Ice Queen label comes from the loss of my Mother. I tend to keep people at arms length, because I know first-hand how much it hurts to lose someone who is so close to my heart.
Now here’s the thing. I know who I really am, and the kind of person I am, and how I love the people that I do let in. Although the “Ice Queen” label irks me at times, this is what I know…. If you have gotten past my initial eye and intuition tests, you’re in good shape. If I can honestly say I love you as a person, you’re someone who will be in my heart forever. For the people I love, I would do anything for, ANYTHING.
Why I’m writing this, I do not really know, except I’m tired of the label, but it is what it is. I know that the people who love me, know the person that I really I am. Those who have taken the time to get what I stand for, and respect me, whether they agree with me or not, those are the people I WANT in my life. If there are people who think that I’m an Ice Queen, I know that they really don’t know me, and that’s ok…. But you don’t know what you’r missing. 
Let’s wrap this book up, shall we? We all have walls up to a certain extent. We all wear masks, we show only certain sides of ourselves to certain people, and sometimes, some of us are just the person we think others want us to be. Sometimes though, we need to take a few layers of the wall down, maybe one block at a time. Sometimes we need to have faith that people won’t hurt us, or that they won’t leave us, and the faith that even just one person will want to help us take that wall down, and see through to the real us.
We know what we are risking by not letting in the WRONG people…..but what are we risking by not letting in the RIGHT people?
What A Day . . . Religion
So I actually have 2 things to write about, because of a very intense last hour I have had. I’ve decided I will write about this one first since I am SO angry about it. I like to say that most of the things I will blog about are deeply thought through and reflected upon. However, I will advise now, that today’s post as well as tomorrows are going to be based off strict emotion and nothing more. I will also advise that I rarely talk religion, but, well I have SO much inside me right now it’s going to have to come out. . . So Here goes.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I am an extremely spiritual person. A small background is that my mother was raised Jewish, Hebrew school and all. My biological father is also Jewish, born in Germany right after the holocaust. That being said, I was not raised with religion. My mother studied Judaism when she was a kid, and the bible as she grew into adulthood. She raised us to believe in God, and be good people, to treat people with respect, to pray every day and that we didn’t need to go to church in order to have a relationship with God. She always wanted us to find our own spiritual path, which I respect so much. I have done my best to live my life in that way. I pray every day, more than once a day. I thank God for all of my blessings, and pray that I will be forgiven for my sins, and I like to believe that I am a fairly selfless person who treats all other people with respect and kindness.
I actually study all faiths quite heavily, as it is something that really speaks to me. That being said, I don’t find the need to classify myself by claiming I am one “religion” or another. The fact is that I believe in possibilities, and my personal choice is not to limit myself, but search for answers every day of my life. Now please don’t misunderstand me, I have respect for all faiths, and all religions, and find it a blessing in this day in age for people to believe in something.
I could never claim that I am perfect, or anywhere near perfect. But I will say that I do believe that I am a good person. I ask myself often ask myself how what I am doing or saying look in the eyes of God. I would venture to say that I am more “Christian” than a lot of people I know who say they are Christian, because being a Christian is so much more than just saying that you are Christian. (If that makes ANY sense).
Moving on, and trying to wrap this rant up. No one, I mean NO ONE has the right to judge me or anyone else for their beliefs, and I truly believe that if you claim to be “religious” and you are judging other people based on that, or anything else for that matter, then you need to take a deep hard look at what you SAY your faith or religion is. Because us, as humans, have absolutely no right to judge other people. That’s God’s job.
So where is this all coming from, you ask? Well I won’t go into the very long and absurd details, but I was just texted by someone I have never met, who said to me “Ok, well I know you are into astrology, and we are Christian…..” Um, yeah. First off, you don’t know me, second off, I’m quite sure you just attacked my faith, third off, what kind of Christian are you to judge me”. There are so many things wrong with that text, that it’s actually blowing my mind! BLOWING MY MIND! My mission, and my purpose in life is to help and heal people, and now I am not even being attacked by someone who knows me, and my heart, but someone who doesn’t. I won’t go into the rest of the conversation in the text. I will only say, think about what you say to people for God’s sake. Before you start judging other people, make sure you are taking a look at yourself, and that you are living the path that your God laid out for you.
I’m beyond emotion right now, so I will leave it here. I truly hope that I haven’t offended anyone with the religion talk. But honestly, if you know me, you do know that I respect all faiths, and if you got anything other than that from this post, it was certainly not my intention.
“Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgement you make, you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get.” Matthew 7:1-3
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