Giving without Expectations
I often ponder how we have become a society of people who give to others only if they feel they can get something in return. I believe that giving should be unconditional, with no expectation (there is that word again) of some kind of gain. I think about this often, however, it came up for me again today, and I thought I would blog about it.
Todays experience was this… a professional partner of mine needed access to a home to perform an inspection for one of our buyers, that he was not able to do yesterday as originally planned. When he called me and told me the situation, I told him I would drive out there and meet him and let him in so he could get it taken care of. So on my lunch I schlepped from Tempe to Laveen, and hung out for a bit while he completed his inspection. When we were leaving, he said, “wow, you really went above and beyond. I really owe you now huh?” Although he was somewhat joking, I wondered in my head what his experiences have been with people who have helped him out in the past, and what they had expected in return. I was kind of taken aback, and actually told him that I just do what I do, I don’t need to be owed for anything. All I ask for is a simple thank you (that goes back to my expectation of kindess, and of course good manners.)
I think that giving is a part of a good life (and I want to be clear, when I say giving, I’m not just talking about money or material things, sometimes you just need to give a little of yourself or your time), and I am a total believer in Karma, and what goes around comes around. Therefore, by just helping someone or giving to someone because you truly have the desire to, it will always come back to you at some point in your life. Haven’t you ever noticed that when you are driving, and you decided to be nice and stop and give someone room to pull out of a driveway, at some point that day someone does the same for you?
I also wonder why many people have the need to announce to the world the good that they have done for others. Why, when someone gives $5.00 to a homeless person, or donates to a charity, or stops to help someone change a tire, must they announce to the world that they have done this good thing? I guess my real question is, why isn’t just giving to or helping someone enough, why must we always need more?
If you are keeping a tally of all the things you have done for someone or ways you have helped them, chances are you aren’t doing it for the right reasons. If you only give because you are looking for some kind of reward, whether it be material, to hold it over their head, or even recognition from other people, are you really giving something to someone or are you actually in fact taking from them?
Yeah, those are my thoughts for today. More to come I’m sure!
“To give and not expect anything in return; to give for no special time or season; to give, not for any particular recognition; to give, not for a substantial tax refund; to give for the sake of giving — often just between giver and receiver — has a life of its own — an elevated one.”
—Glaceta Honeyghan
Expectations
I was having a brief conversation earlier with a very good friend of mine about the fact that we both have “high expectations of people.” (We’re both Virgos, so it’s very much a trait of ours naturally). I’m not going to go all into expectations in general, but I do feel the need to discus expectations of how we are treated. Now, I personally don’t think I do have high expectations of other people, nor do I think I should ever have to lower my expectations (even thought I believe we all tend to all too often) I expect people to be kind to others, honest, straight-forward, respectful, to communicate with me and most importantly do what they say they are going to do. Really, I am an extremely easy person to please, and those little things bring a smile to my face.
For example, I think that someone telling you that they are going to call you means that they should call you, or at least text you. I don’t think it’s a lot to ask, even for a text to say, hey, I’m really busy, I’ll call you when I can. That took a whole what, 5 seconds? People not doing what they say they are going to do has been something that has really bothered me for a long time. I think it shows a complete lack of respect for the other person. I do believe that there are absolutely times where things come up. For example (and this is just an example), you make tentative plans with someone one day around 12:00. The day comes and you haven’t heard anything, so you send a text, “hey, are we still going to do….(whatever your plans were)?” and they don’t respond. Uh….HELLO? The problem here isn’t that the person couldn’t make it, the problem here is that they person couldn’t pick up the phone and call, or text, or send an email, or a facebook message…I mean come on, it’s 2010 there are 500 million ways to communicate with someone, without even having to talk to them. So that’s a high expectation? I should lower my expectation, so I get worse results the next time? I think not!
They say “Expect the worst, and hope for the best.” I used to do that, and now I worry that if I am expecting bad things, bad things will happen (it’s the whole putting positive things out to the Universe thing), but if I expect people to meet my expectations, and they don’t, I end up hurt. It’s a huge catch 22.
I think that if you truly respect yourself, you should have high expectations of how people treat you. If you don’t, you’re settling for less than you deserve. The trick is having those high expectations, and if someone disappoints, you don’t allow them to do it again. Settling for less than we deserve is not what we are put on this earth to do, especially when it comes to how people treat us.
By not doing what you say you are going to do is discounting the other person’s feelings, disrespectful of their feelings, and quite honestly showing the person that you think they are unimportant. You are also setting the expectation for that person to think that you are unreliable and that you will probably fail them again…. Especially someone who isn’t very trusting to begin with. Again, life happens, but that’s what communication is for. It’s one thing to not be able to do something you said you were going to do, it’s just inexcusable to not take the time to tell them you aren’t going to follow through.
There you have it. I know that I only covered one little thing about the things we expect, but I truly believe that if you begin lowering your expectations of people, people will continue think they have to do less to meet your expectations. That’s just my take on it. . . Do what you say you are going to do, and if you aren’t able, have some respect and tell the other people involved.
Follow Me