This I Believe. . .
For my public speaking class I had to write a speech about something I believe. NPR has a program where people share the personal philosophies and core values that guide their daily lives, so our speech was based on that. At first I didn’t know what to write about, but when I sat down in front of the computer it just all flew out of me without thinkin, and I’m basically going with the first draft. After the words came out, there were very few things that I changed. (even my punctuation and grammar is off, but since it’s a speech, I’m okay with it.)
Tomorrow I will have the opportunity to present this speech for a group of students in my class, and of course, not liking public speaking, I’m getting more and more nervous.
In all honesty, I debated long and hard on posting this, as it is probably the most personal you will ever see me get. However, after reading it a few times, I felt that it is not only a tribute to life’s experiences, but a tribute to my mother as well. Take what you will from it. 
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I Believe I Learned Absolutely Everything I Ever Need to Know About Life From My Mother.
In my 33 years on this earth, I have had the opportunity to see so many aspects of life…many things a person probably never should see, many things a person should never have to experience.
Spending much of my childhood in a violently abusive home, I learned that some parents don’t always love their children the way they should. Watching my mother sneak out of the house to learn to drive, saving every penny she could and gaining the strength to take my sisters and myself and leave, I learned the strength of a woman is beyond measure. . .and that for some parents only death could stop them from protecting their child.
Living in a tiny 2-bedroom apartment with no furniture, eating peanut butter sandwiches on the floor with my sisters I learned that we don’t need fine food, furniture and possessions to have fun and feel love.
Watching my mother marry a man with no biological children, and no opportunity have any of his own, enabled me to see what a man should be. Experiencing that same man love, cherish and take care of my mother … and her 3 damaged daughters taught me what a father should be.
My mother forcing us to eat dinner EVERY night with our family, AT the table taught me the importance of communication and family.
Remembering my mother being locked in her room for a week and raped by my biological father…as I too laid on the floor with a gun held to my head by a boyfriend the night I broke up with him taught me how we often tend to repeat history, and that only I could break that cycle.
Having a miscarriage at 20 taught me that nothing is promised…5 years later thinking about that miscarriage and the dysfunctional relationship I was in at the time, I understood what my mother meant when she always said that everything happens for a reason.
Listening to my mother explain to me that my biological father was a sick and lonely man, and should not be hated, taught me forgiveness.
By constantly reminding me to say “Thank You” and “I love you” she taught me to never take people for granted.
Losing my mother in a car accident when I was 27 taught me that nothing will ever hurt as bad as losing a mother…my mother….my best friend, my hero, my heart.
As I stood before hundreds of people at her funeral sharing the lessons I had learned from her, I learned that I wasn’t the only person whose life she touched, and from the responses, I clearly wasn’t the only one she shared these wise words with:
Never, ever go to bed angry and say I love you every time you hang up the phone or walk out the door…because you never know when it’s going to be the last time.
When the Need becomes greater than the want, there’s a problem.
If everyone put their problems in a circle, they would each take back their own. There is always someone worse off than you so be grateful every day.
Never judge anyone, because you have no idea what their circumstances are.
There’s THREE sides to every story. (His, hers and the truth)
You don’t need to like a person to show them respect.
You don’t have to go to church to have a relationship with God.
Thank God every morning before you get out of bed for a new day….thank Him again before you go to sleep for surviving that day.
Never hate anyone…hatred only breeds more hatred and in the long run, only hurts YOU.
As long as you actually learn from your mistake…it’s not really a mistake.
Always try your best…even if your results aren’t perfect, as long as you try your hardest it will have been worth it.
Treat people the way you want to be treated. You can’t expect someone to treat you better than you treat them.
Never walk out of the house without lipstick. Even if you don’t wear any other makeup, throw some lipstick on, it brings your face to life.
I could go on for days with her wise words of wisdom. The point is that despite all of the horrible things that SHE experienced in life, she always knew there was a meaning to it all, regardless of whether we know the meaning or not . . . She taught me that too.
Being forced to live life after shes gone, I learned that she would never have left this earth had she not felt she taught me everything I needed to learn to survive life, and that I am a survivor.
Regardless of whether the things she taught me were by the words she spoke or actions I witnessed, I feel blessed to have learned what I have from such a wise woman. A woman who was full of love and full of life, and who constantly shared all of that, regardless of what she was going through.
Although I only had 27 years to share with her on this planet, I have continued to learn from her even in the past 6 years that she hasn’t been here with me physically.
The most important thing? Well, although she used to say it all the time, I guess I never fully understood when she used to say that tomorrow is never promised. Because she knew that, because she was the person that she was, she left a legacy, and now I know it’s my turn….. my turn to share all the things that she shared with me. Not only to fulfill her legacy…. But to create my own.
Broken Angel – For My Little Sister
Everyone who knows me, knows that I have two older sisters, who are my life. What most people don’t know, is that I actually also have a little sister who I have never met. I actually also have two brothers, who I have met, but are not in my life. But, back to my little sister Hannah. Hannah is 16 years old, I was basically her age when she was born. By that time, I was long out of New York, and my biological father was as close to out of my life as he could be. Miss Hannah has been on my mind so much lately, I need to write this for her.
She is currently going through the process of being adopted by her step-father. Ironically, I was also Hannah’s age when I came home from school and decided to call an attorney to be adopted by my “step-father”. Without going into a lot of details, our biological father is, well wretched, to be as nice as possible. I was lucky that when I was 11 my parents moved us to Phoenix, to get away from him…. Hannah wasn’t as lucky, and was stuck with him. Her mother called me in 1998 to write a letter to the courts so that she too could get Hannah away, but my letter apparently wasn’t enough. Two years ago, Hannah was finally able to cut ties with him.
Now I could never explain to anyone who never met the man, what the experience of having him for a father is/was like, except maybe to say very damaging. And every day I think of Hannah, and what she’s going through, because I was there myself so long ago. It’s a hard thing when you want to get away from someone, specifically a parent, so badly, but at the same time the fact that they don’t care enough to acknowledge you’re breathing the same air is beyond painful. Maybe I have been thinking about this so much lately because of a song I heard by Boyce Avenue (which I’m actually going to post below), which reminds me of me, so naturally also reminds me of her.
So this is what I need to say to my Hannah… Chin Up Young Person. I remember how I felt when I was going through the whole adoption thing, and he just didn’t even care enough to respond. I remember how that felt, despite all the terrible things that he had done to me, he couldn’t take the 5 minutes to even respond. And not like I really wanted him to, I didn’t want him in my life, just like you don’t want him in yours, but still, who does that to their child?
The things that you have experience in your past 16 years are some of the absolute worst things that people can experience in life, many of which I know you think will haunt you for the rest of your life. What I need from you is to look at them and know how strong you are for surviving them, something so many people have not been able to do. I won’t lie, and say that they won’t come up when you are my age, but they will remind you how strong you really are. Basically, you’re me, you’re my mini me! The things that you have experienced have to be the foundation of who you become. They will never go away, but they will remind you that there are actually people in your life who deserve your trust, and people who deserve your forgiveness. You have the opportunity to prove to the world (including him) that you can be an absolutely amazing woman, who is the definition of a survivor. Because THAT is what you are. Also, know that I am always here!
To everyone else reading this blog, these are the things I want to say to you. Blood isn’t always thicker than water. An amazing man came into our lives and was the most amazing father someone could ask for. It doesn’t take blood to be a parent, it takes a good heart. Also, never assume that you know what a person has been through, or lived through. You never know what sadness and pain is lurking behind someone’s smile. Finally, what happened in the past will always be there. It’s a choice you have to make as to whether you are going to let it hold you down for the rest of your life, or if you are going to use it to motivate you to change yours, or better yet, someone else’s life. They cycle does not have to be repeated.
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