What are you Willing to Sacrifice for a Relationship
It is a burning question. What about yourself are you willing to change for someone else? Who in your life would you be willing to give up?
What would you do if you started dating someone and learned that you had to change who you were, or drop some friends to make that person happy? How far are you willing to go to make that person love you or simply make the relationship work, and how much SHOULD you have to give up to make it work?
I’m a very firm believer, from experience of course, that the more you try to change someone, the more you end up changing yourself. I also do really believe people are not capable of changing who they are at the core. But how often is it that we meet someone that we’re interested in, and we become someone totally different? At what point is it ok to ask someone to drop a friend or two because you don’t like them, or because they are of the opposite sex, is it ok? I don’t believe it is.
I’m a huge believer that you should not take out on your current significant other, what a past significant other did to you. Therefore, unless the person you are with give you a reason to not trust them, why should there be an issue with them being friends with someone of the opposite sex. Which of course leads me to say, if you can’t or don’t trust the person you are with, why are you with them. That leads me to the next, and possibly more important point…. You start dating someone, and you drop some real, true friends because the other person isn’t secure enough to “allow” you to be friends, and then it happens. You break up for a completely unrelated issue, now there you are with no boyfriend/girlfriend, and no friend that you had before because you dropped them. What then?
There are always going to be things that people don’t like about you, that’s just the way life goes. But the truth is that if someone likes you, cares about you, or loves you, they are going to ACCEPT those things about you, just like they would hope you would accept them for who they are. When we look for relationships, or meet someone we would like to be in relationship with, it’s become natural for us to be who we think they want us to be….don’t you think that eventually they will see the real you? What then?
Clearly, I’m no expert on relationships, and maybe this is why. So often it turns out that people aren’t who they claim to be.
What would happen if we entered into a relationship being who we really are, and if we gave the other person the opportunity to decide if the REAL you is who they want to be in a relationship. You are who you are, what you are. By trying to change that you either end up full of resent, or eventually reverting back to the real you, and losing that person anyway, just after you have both invested so much of yourself…You end up losing more that way. I mean really, if who you are isn’t good enough, what’t the point in pretending to be someone else? What good is it to you, to lose who you are for someone else, and to possibly lose some amazing friendships, that you will probably never be able to get back.
Desiderata
I had never heard of Desiderata, until I met my dear friend Jamie. She shared this poem with me almost two years ago, and it is something that has definitely stuck with me.
This poem says so much about the world, and I truly believe that if everyone could take just one piece of it, and live it, they could experience a change unlike any other.
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
We live in an era of technology, telephones, computers, and noise. An era where everyone is in a rush to get somewhere, or nowhere. I know that I cherish my moments of complete silence, how often, and for how long can you sit in silence. Without talking, or looking at your phone or computer? When is the last time that you sat in silence, and thanked God, or the Universe, or whoever/whatever you believe in for your blessings, or making it home safely, or just making it through the day. How often do you quickly rush to anger before taking the time to listen to someone else’s point of view? What about your day could have been different, had you just taken the time to hear what someone had to say?
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
I’m sad that we find it necessary to compare ourselves to others. Why are we so concerned with what others think about us? If we can look at ourselves in the mirror and know that we are good people, why must we beg for approval from others. Why do we feel sorry for ourselves when someone else has achieved something, we have not yet been able to rather than feel happy for them. And why are we so quick to look down upon someone else who may not have been able to achieve something we did?
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
So many of us growing up were compared to other kids. Why couldn’t you be like that person? It’s a shame that so many of us feel that, just being us isn’t good enough. As we get older that theory gets deeper ingrained in our minds, which of course leads to low self-esteem and confidence issues, which we remember from school also leads to bullies. Be a good person, that makes you good enough.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive God to be; and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
Regardless of whether or not you believe in God, and regardless of what religion you may or may not practice, we all have a purpose of being here. Often times we don’t know what that purpose is, but I believe that when you are ready, and when it’s time, you will know. With all of the hustle and bustle in life, we forget to take a moment to check our souls and find peace. If you can keep peace in your soul, your purpose will become clear.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
~Max Ehrman
It’s so easy to think of all of the terrible things we see. It’s so easy to focus on all of the terrible things we are going through. But take a look around. Notice the sunrise on your way to work, or the sunset on your way home. Hear the birds singing in the trees, take a moment to smell the flowers. Life is so short. I truly don’t believe we were put here to rush through life only to die. We have to enjoy the ride. And our happiness…..that is up to us, no one else can make you happy.
Is Selfishness Inherent?
Due to some things I experienced today, I began to mull over what it means to be Selfish. I was wondering if Selfishness is an inherent trait, and honestly, the more I thought I about it, the more I believe that it is. I started cycling through all of my friends (and I have some great friends), to see if I could come up with any who I believe actually think of others before they think of themselves. I was shocked to find that I could count those people on one hand. Wow, is that really possible?
I decided to look at myself, because, well….it all starts with me. For my entire life, I have prided myself on the fact that I think about other people before I think about myself. However, I can’t say that is always the case, that would just be a lie. In the last couple of hours, I have come to the realization, that we are all selfish beings, to some extent. Maybe it’s inherent, maybe, as humans we believe that the only way we could survive is if we put ourselves above everyone else. After all, we’ve been taught that it’s the survival of the fittest right? Maybe, just maybe, we come to a point where we begin to treat people, as we believe they treat us. At what point does a selfless person become more selfish, because the people they are in relationship with take more than they give? And if you feel that you must change your behavior in that way, is that relationship really worth having? The question is, where is the line?
What kind of world would we live in, if we spent more time worrying about other people, than we worry about ourselves? Where would we be in our journey, if we did things truly for other people…without wondering how it will benefit us? What kind of relationships would we have, if just sometimes we slowed ourselves down to think about what we do, what we say, and how we say it will affect the people we love? And why is it that sometimes it is so much easier to perform selfless acts for strangers, than the people that we say are important in our lives?
“The selfishness must be discovered and understood before it can be removed. It is powerless to remove itself, neither will it pass away of itself. Darkness ceases only when light is introduced; so ignorance can only be dispersed by Knowledge; selfishness by Love.” ~James Allen
These are the types of things I ponder on. I often dream of a better world for the people I love, and can only hope that while I’m here on this earth, I will do my part, and change someone’s life.
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