Sometimes Deep . . . Often Random Thoughts

Here’s the truth, somewhere along the line someone close to us will disappoint us.  Here’s more truth, disappointment is an emotion that we ourselves are responsible for.  Huh?  No, really it’s true.  No one can make us feel anything without our permission, so while someone stands us up or isn’t there for us when we hope they will be, or they forget something, it isn’t necessarily that their intention was to hurt us.  The way we respond to “disappointments” is our own choice.  It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt or anger us, it’s just a circumstance that we have the power to choose how we react to.

Sometimes things come up, sometimes emergencies happen, sometimes the people that we call friends are a little more self-centered than we’d like them to be.  The true question is whether or not it is something that came up, or if it is a recurring theme that happens with someone.

For example, you make plans with a really good friend who has always been there for you and although you make plans to go to the movies they call 30 minutes prior and cancel because something came up.  Okay this sucks, we’re disappointed and life goes on.  It’s not something that happens often, if at all, and although you were really excited about hanging out with this person, you feel a little disappointed….and you get over it.   No one’s fault, life happens, everyone is over it.

Example #2.  You have a good friend that you always have a good time with and you love dearly.  This friend forgets plans that have been made, things come up, they’re late, make excuses and/or they continuously disappoint you.  This isn’t new for them, you think you are used to it, but every time it happens your heart hurts and you are disappointed.  Who is responsible for you feeling disappointed this time?  Is it the person who is famous for standing you up and not being there when they say they are going to be?  Or once again is no one really at fault.  The truth is this person exhibits the same behavior they always have, it isn’t that they have changed for the worse.  Why is their fault for not changing who they are?  We have a choice in this type of situation.  We accept that the person will never change and we never let it bother us when they are who they are… OR if that isn’t something we are capable of doing, we have to decide if this relationship is beneficial to us, and if it is worth us allowing ourselves to feel hurt or disappointed. (Yes, I said “allow ourselves”).

The truth is, in my opinion, people don’t change.  They may change habits, they may change routines, sometimes a person’s true colors eventually shine through for the better or the worse, but at the core they don’t change.  What right would we have to try to change them?  If we are in relationship with someone it is because we accept and love them for who they are, who are we to say what they should or shouldn’t change about themselves?  If there is something we don’t like about someone on our lives we have a simple choice to make, suck it up and accept them or realize they may not be someone that you want in your life, or in your close circle.  It’s okay to do that, it truly is okay when you realize that someone isn’t the person you need them to be in your life, for you to decide they need to be in one of your outer circles, or in no circle at all.  It’s better to do that then try to change them, or to allow yourself to feel hurt by them all the time and just resent them.  Don’t you think?  Resentment certainly doesn’t benefit either party, so why continue to hurt yourself?  Yep, by allowing this type of relationship or behavior to continue where you are constantly feeling hurt, you are doing that to yourself, no one is doing that to you.

My Mom used to say “Shit on my once, shame on you; Shit on my twice, shame on me.”  I think that applies here as well.

We are the creators of our own life.  No one can do to us what we don’t allow them to do.  There comes a point in life where we need to be the best person we can be, and sometimes that means changing relationships or making difficult decisions.  Regardless, it truly is up to us how we allow people to treat us, in then end it is our own responsibility to make sure we are taken care of.  Surround yourself with love, surround yourself with people who truly care about you, realize that regardless of who you are or what you may have done in your life you deserve to be treated well….you owe it to yourself and everyone in your life to ensure that you not only treat others well, but that you are treated well.

Blessings…