Waiting for Life to Start
I’m back once again, and this time am committing to being a REGULAR blogger. I have some huge things coming up, so that shouldn’t be difficult to do. That being said, it’s been a rough week, and I have some things to share.
A dear friend of mine, and a huge part of our Keller Williams family was brought to the hospital on Friday after what they suspected to be a massive heart attack. As of Friday the outlook wasn’t good, and much of my weekend was to be spent waiting on updates, and providing updates to the rest of the family.
When I woke up on Saturday morning, I heard Dave’s laugh and I saw his face. As I walked down the stairs I could still hear his laugh and I decided to just sit on the couch in silence. I didn’t want to turn on the tv, or talk, or pick up the phone because I was afraid I would lose the sound of his laugh. Instead, I sat on the couch for about 5 hours in silence. I spent that time praying and reflecting, and listening to Dave’s laugh in my head.
When I lost my mother in a car accident 6 years ago, I learned how quickly someone can be taken from us. My Mom had always said that tomorrow is not promised, and I learned that first-hand. But like many things, we forget, or we hope it won’t happen again. Then this happened. . . Dave, a 45 year old man, brought into the hospital barely holding on to life. Once again I was reminded that tomorrow is never promised. That at any time, with a blink of an eye everything can be taken from us. I had learned long ago never to take anyone for granted, and I feel like for the most part I am very good at that. I tell the people I love that I love them as often as possible and thank God for them daily. What I realized though, what I have been taking for granted is life in general.
As I sat I realized that for quite some time I have been waiting for my life to begin. To be clear, I have a good life which I am grateful for every day. I have my health (knock on wood), I live fairly comfortably, I have a great family and some amazing friends. However, I also know that it easy for me to put things off until tomorrow. The career that I would love, a healthy romantic relationship, children, a social life, seeing the world….I vainly think “tomorrow is another day”, tomorrow I’ll start that diet, tomorrow I will go out and meet people, tomorrow I will decide what I want to be when I grow up.
I used my silence to think about what is really important to me. Aside from my family, my best friend, and the other great friends that I have, what is it that I really really want. Well for me it’s a family, children. Being a mother is the one thing that would make my life complete. So then I asked myself, what’s stopping me….the answer? Me…I’ve been stopping me, I’ve been stopping me because I have been waiting for tomorrow…I have been waiting for my life to begin.
I thought about Dave and the life he had been living. While I didn’t know much about his personal life I knew that he loved his family, that while he was always dedicated to his clients, he knew that it was just real estate and he always knew what mattered most. He’s always making time for hunting, and trips to Mexico and spending time doing the things he wants to do… and me, I’m waiting for tomorrow. What the hell?
As the weekend moved on, the news about Dave continued to get worse, and I decided then that I’m no longer waiting for tomorrow. I’m going for what I want….I’m making my life happen today.
While we continue to pray, Dave’s condition continues to deteriorate. I continue to pray, on my own in silence as well as along with the rest of my KW Family. I pray that God’s will be done, having the faith that God has a bigger plan for Dave. I pray that if he is taken from us, he will meet my Mom in heaven because I know that together they will raise Hell. I pray that God will bring some sort of peace to his wife and son, that they will be able to heal through this.
Today I will honor Dave by starting now, by taking the steps to make my life happen the way I want it to, because that is what Dave would want for me.
I know that I am not the only one who has been watching my life pass me by, or waiting for it to begin. Today I took my first step to grasp that one thing that is most important to me. How long are you willing to wait? When is the last time that you said “I love you” to someone? When is the last time you told someone how much you appreciate them? Who have you left words unsaid with? Are you sure you’ll have the chance to say the things you need to say?
I’m not trying to be doomsday, I’m not being negative. I’m just lending a friendly reminder that tomorrow is NOT promised. Many people don’t know that from experience, sadly I can say that I do and I don’t wish it on anyone. Please don’t wait… don’t wait to say what needs to be said…..to simply say I love you….or to give someone a hug….don’t wait for your life to begin because if you wait, it will just pass you buy and you may never have the opportunity.
To my friend Dave – I love you, I am still holding out for a miracle, but I also have faith that God has his plan and it is not my place to question it. To Dave’s wife and son – I can only pray that you find some kind of peace to get you through this absurdly difficult time. And to my friends and family, in case I haven’t told you lately… I love and appreciate every one of you who touch my life every day.
Emotional Rant #2 – Relationships
I probably won’t delve into this one too deep. After all a “relationship” topic could go on for days. But I will say, that being almost 33, and having been in a very long, on and off, dysfunctional relationship, I have a little to say on the topic. I know that I have said before that I refuse to take out on a man, what another man has done to me. I firmly believe that too many people do that, and a lot of problems in relationships stem from that very thing. Insecurity, mistrust, dishonesty, the list goes on.
I will also say that I am a firm believer that you never take a step back in life. (Another thing my Mom taught me, but was a hard lesson learned). That being said, I believe that when you break up with someone, you break up with them for a reason. How often is it that the reason ever goes away. For example, you break up with someone because the stress of money, and family is something you fight about all the time, and finally it breaks you up. 3 months, a year, 3 years later, you decide to get back together. Well I have news for you, the stress of money, the stress of family, or the stress of whatever it was that broke you up in the first place DIDN’T go away. So how are you going to deal with it the next time?
Now I’m not saying that all people who break up and get back together are doomed. But before you get back together with someone, wouldn’t it be wise to take a deep, hard look at why you broke up in the first place? The chances are great that the problem will resurface, and if you do know that, are you prepared to deal with it the next time?
I think a lot of people end up getting back together out of sheer comfort. I mean, being single, I know how lonely it gets, and to be with someone that you were with for a long time, who knows you well is comfortable. I also know that the “dating game” sucks, because quite frankly, that’s exactly what it is, a game.
The questions I ask, and the questions I would hope you ask your self are 1.) Why is this person coming back to me now, or why do I want to be back with this person? Is it comfort? Is it because you, or they just broke up with someone else and the idea of loneliness sucks? Or is it because deep in your heart you know that you both want to be together, to love each other unconditionally, through good AND bad. Which leads me to 2.) What broke you up in the first place? Are you prepared to deal with that situation again, because chances are it will come back up.
You should never settle. Never settle for less than you deserve, just because it’s comfortable. Because you think you know the other person’s issues, and quirks isn’t a reason to settle. Because it’s so much easier than dealing with all the games…. While taking that step backwards, well stepping back into comfort, you could be missing out one someone you are actually meant to be with, but you’ll never know will you?
Being comfortable got us to where we are now, it won’t get us to where we want to be, or where we are meant to be.
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