Sometimes Deep . . . Often Random Thoughts

Everyone who knows me, knows that I have two older sisters, who are my life.  What most people don’t know, is that I actually also have a little sister who I have never met. I actually also have two brothers, who I have met, but are not in my life.  But, back to my little sister Hannah.  Hannah is 16 years old, I was basically her age when she was born.  By that time, I was long out of New York, and my biological father was as close to out of my life as he could be.  Miss Hannah has been on my mind so much lately, I need to write this for her.

She is currently going through the process of being adopted by her step-father.  Ironically, I was also Hannah’s age when I came home from school and decided to call an attorney to be adopted by my “step-father”.  Without going into a lot of details, our biological father is, well wretched, to be as nice as possible.  I was lucky that when I was 11 my parents moved us to Phoenix, to get away from him…. Hannah wasn’t as lucky, and was stuck with him.  Her mother called me in 1998 to write a letter to the courts so that she too could get Hannah away, but my letter apparently wasn’t enough.  Two years ago, Hannah was finally able to cut ties with him.

Now I could never explain to anyone who never met the man, what the experience of having him for a father is/was like, except maybe to say very damaging.  And every day I think of Hannah, and what she’s going through, because I was there myself so long ago.  It’s a hard thing when you want to get away from someone, specifically a parent, so badly, but at the same time the fact that they don’t care enough to acknowledge you’re breathing the same air is beyond painful.  Maybe I have been thinking about this so much lately because of a song I heard by Boyce Avenue (which I’m actually going to post below), which reminds me of me, so naturally also reminds me of her.

So this is what I need to say to my Hannah… Chin Up Young Person.  I remember how I felt when I was going through the whole adoption thing, and he just didn’t even care enough to respond.  I remember how that felt, despite all the terrible things that he had done to me, he couldn’t take the 5 minutes to even respond.  And not like I really wanted him to, I didn’t want him in my life, just like you don’t want him in yours, but still, who does that to their child?

The things that you have experience in your past 16 years are some of the absolute worst things that people can experience in life, many of which I know you think will haunt you for the rest of your life.  What I need from you is to look at them and know how strong you are for surviving them, something so many people have not been able to do.  I won’t lie, and say that they won’t come up when you are my age, but they will remind you how strong you really are.  Basically, you’re me, you’re my mini me!  The things that you have experienced have to be the foundation of who you become.  They will never go away, but they will remind you that there are actually people in your life who deserve your trust, and people who deserve your forgiveness.  You have the opportunity to prove to the world (including him) that you can be an absolutely amazing woman, who is the definition of a survivor.  Because THAT is what you are. Also, know that I am always here!

To everyone else reading this blog, these are the things I want to say to you.  Blood isn’t always thicker than water.  An amazing man came into our lives and was the most amazing father someone could ask for.  It doesn’t take blood to be a parent, it takes a good heart.  Also, never assume that you know what a person has been through, or lived through.  You never know what sadness and pain is lurking behind someone’s smile. Finally, what happened in the past will always be there.  It’s a choice you have to make as to whether you are going to let it hold you down for the rest of your life, or if you are going to use it to motivate you to change yours, or better yet, someone else’s life.   They cycle does not have to be repeated.